понедельник, 20 октября 2008 г.

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I wrote an atrociously long entry last night during the Legally Blonde closing party via my phone, but itapos;s composed mostly of bitter worthless drivel, so Iapos;m going to delete it.

Iapos;ll give a quick reflection on the night instead- I donapos;t know why I went. I donapos;t honestly get along with anyone there. I donapos;t like loud music, I donapos;t like dancing, I donapos;t drink, Iapos;m not even a remotely social person...it was like being in a watered down version of hell, actually. I did go to keep an eye on my brother who is notorious for getting completely sloshed at these sort of events. I basically ignored my sisterly duties however to awkwardly look busy by writing that long post. It worked like a charm for the most part.
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воскресенье, 19 октября 2008 г.

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�One day I am going have something of importance. Probably tomorrow after I read this really long essay entitled "The blessings of Same-Sex marriage in the Anglican church" or something crazy like that. By the way, I am not Anglican but an Anglican friend sent it to me. My demonination is Pentecostal. Yes, that is the branch often associated with the crazy people in tents but really, it isnapos;t like that. Turns out I donapos;t follow one of their main beliefs either. Haha, oops.

And that is totally not what I was going write about.

Umm, great now I forget. Lovely.

Oh wait, everyone here is freaking out because I donapos;t want to go in the pit for TAI. Especially since I am pretty much guaranteed a good spot and they are telling me I am wasting it but here is the thing, I have issues with pits. They are crowded and full of sweaty people that are going touch me which is not cool, people tend to start shoving, and I donapos;t want to get injured.

The Croation Cultural Center is freakishly small. Seriously, I went there last year for Marianas Trench and I didnapos;t go in the crowd and I could see the band perfectly fine. I like that and not having to worry about being shoved around, crowdsurfers or being a backboard for a circle pit (not cool btw). I�like being able to dance like an idiot and take pictures without worrying about my camera.

What are the perks of the pit/front anyway besides being closer to the band? Being able to touch the singer if he bends into the crowd? Better chance of catching something?

Honestly, I donapos;t care about those things at all. Singers are usually sweaty and eww, do not want to touch anyones sweat ever and I donapos;t care about picks and drumsticks and stuff.

It is not like the band is going be tiny because I will just be behind the crowd but safe. So ya, I am going chill at the back. I donapos;t care if it is a waste of my money because I didnapos;t buy presale for early entry.

And this has nothing to do with nothing but watching horror trailer at night, alone, in a house were they keep talking about freaky stuff=stupid. I am so not going sleep properly tonigh :(

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I had brunch with him today. It was nice enough, and we chatted easily enough. I wasnapos;t sure how it would be - would I get overwhelmed and have to cancel? Would I get bitter and start asking him what the hell he was thinking, etc? My good humor and manners won out in the end, as I knew they would. I still enjoy talking to him, and heapos;s still very attractive, but... Over and over, I found myself thinking how young he acted/sounded. How he wanted to "bone" some of his new co-workers, for example. I understood his sentiment, but I found myself rolling my eyes inside (hopefully I didnapos;t actually do it). As sad as it makes me to realize it, we are better off as friends. As I told my best friend afterwards, Iapos;m not out of the emotional woods yet but Iapos;m getting through them, however awkwardly.

This weekend is almost over, thankfully. If Iapos;m not careful I tend to get depressed gradually, from Friday through Sunday evening. Keeping myself busy always helps, so Iapos;m glad I went to Valley Scare last night. I hate feeling like Iapos;m never doing the right thing.

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Ever since we got the keys to our� new house Iapos;ve attempted to do some cooking whenever I can.� My favourite dish is always the soup - itapos;s idiot proof - as long as you put in the meat some scallops the soup will turn out to be nice in 9 out of 10 times.� And with the slow cooker, I can just throw in all the ingredients and let it do the job :)

Here are the soups that Iapos;ve attempted so far:
1) Old cucumber soup - my 1st attempt at soup.� Didnapos;t take out the seeds for the first time but I discovered that it adds a rather nice taste to the soup.
2) ABC�soup (potato, carrots tomatoes)
3) Corn�soup - added some carrots leftover from the ABC soup it adds a sweet taste to the soup.
4) Peanut soup - this didnapos;t taste as good as I was hoping.� Maybe because I didnapos;t boil it enough.

Will be making attempts at the watercress black bean soup next week.� I think the watercress soupapos;s gonna be challenging cosapos; of the taste.

Other dishes Iapos;ve tried so far are - drunken chicken wings (using the rice wine prepared by my mum), stewed chicken wings, stewed mushrooms, steamed pork ribs (didnapos;t steam it long enough and hence not tender enough - standard cooking time is about 1-2 hours), stir-fried dou miao.�� Today I did porridge with long beans, peanuts and fish cake - the texture of the porridge was good but the taste wasnapos;t as good as I thought.� I shall make another attempt again next time

The Song He rice that we bought recently�was really good.� At least I didnapos;t see the "rice ants" (donapos;t know what is the actual term) this time round, compared to the Thai Hom�Mali rice which supposedly required only 1 wash.� But how to wash only once when there are "rice ants" inside?
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What do you do when you have subordinates that think that they know so much when they actually know nothing. They complained about you ordering them around but in actuality, if I do not order them around - they wonapos;t be doing anything. Things donapos;t get donw, patient wasting their time and money not getting well. The wards were overcrowded just because the things that should have been done yesterday is still not being done and because of that patients canapos;t go home. They complained that we MOs have the previledges - donapos;t have to take blood, can have weekends off..

These so called previledges was earned by us who went through the hell you are going through now years ago. Previledges that comes with the responsibility of repairing all of your mistakes and the heavy blame if things go wrong. These previledge comes with the constant feeling of dread that comes from having ALL�OF�YOU interns making stupid mistakes that can cost a patientapos;s live.

Like stupid mistakes like not checking the coagulation profile of a patient before doing an invasive procedure and not informing the MO oncall when you noticed something is wrong -- like why the hell is the peritoneal dialysis outflow is FRESH�BLOOD�RED

Seriously I am not asking you to remember the whole Harrissonapos;s Textbook or recite the whole Sarawak Protocol Handbook. All I ask that you as someone who have graduated from medical school to stop acting like you are students and start acting as a DOCTOR Meaning I want you to think what are you doing and learn what you observe. You are working and training as an intern now so in the future you will act as a competent medical officer. You are not just a kuli batak who mindlessly follow orders. But if you just follow orders - without thinking - then you deserved being treated as a kuli lah.

I wish for you to think independently so that when you guys are finally get thrown out to the districts - You would not be calling me in the middle of the nite asking whether should you or not intubate a patient. *Use common sense - the only one that can decide if a patient needs a ventilation or not is you who are with the patient not me over the phone 100 miles away.,

I cannot be babysitting you forever - so I hoped that if there is one thing that I hope you would learn from me - is to have common sense.

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суббота, 18 октября 2008 г.

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Something isnapos;t right at all.

I donapos;t know why. I just donapos;t feel the presence once more.
Where are you? Itapos;s already freaking 1-ish�in the morning

I donapos;t know why.�I just donapos;t feel the presence again and again.
I need� some motivation right now. I need�my pillar of strength right now.
I need you.

Sometimes I wonder
When Iapos;m thinking of you ; when I miss
you
Do you feel the same way too?

maybe i should just disappear
yes i should.



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Sculpting with snow and ice is a bit more difficult than clay. Same basic principals involved but far less forgiving. Finally managed to make a suitable ice castle for Lillybells birthday, being that she is princess. Not that she realizes that herself even though she should. That Ravenclaw bunch.. Theyve been good for me. Tyler, Lilja, Valmir. Even attempted to make some type of civil peace between Turdrell and myself, for Tylers sake. He really doesnt like conflict. Now I know why. Ill never mention it to a soul. I had to give up some things in order to help him feel better. For once I dont mind.

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Just got my FID, Pistol Permit and my brand new Ruger P345 (black) yesterday Its a great gun, it feels great in my hand and the trigger suits me well.

After putting 150 rds through it I had no failure to fire/feed but the second and third mags I slapped in didnapos;t make the slide return, didnapos;t happen after that.

My question is about the recoil spring and guide rod. I field stripped/cleaned/lubed the gun last night and the recoil spring is stuck in the slide. The manual says the guide rod and spring should come out as one assembly. I donapos;t want to pull or pry in fear of messing the spring up. Any suggestions?
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пятница, 17 октября 2008 г.

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Whilst Linzi and Ben have been away on holiday this week I have been trying to catch up on a backlog of dvdapos;s we bought and I havenapos;t watched yet. apos;300apos; was a good solid film which I enjoyed very much, the same goes for apos;v for vendettaapos; though I havenapos;t read Mr Moores comic version so some of the jaded impressions of this film have passed me by. Just finished watching apos;I am legendapos; which has to be my least favorite this week, though an okay film it was just that, okay. The last film I will mention here was really an OMG affair and one that I can see myself watching time and again, apos;the last samuraiapos; this film ticked all the boxes for me amazing scenery, well acted, great story, just everything about it was done perfectly. There was one point in the film where I thought apos;oh here comes the standard cliched love sceneapos; but no the film showed the moment beautifully (no love scene just 2 people beginning to understand the way they felt for each other)and moved on.
I have spent a lot of my free time mooching around with my mum, trips to Manchester and the Trafford centre etc, also my uncle has come up from Cornwall to stay at my mums for a few days while he sorts out his house in Rochdale and he has treated myself and mum to a couple of meals out. The Harvester near Ashton was wonderful, essentially a pub but the food is gorgeous.
Linzi and Ben fly back home tomorrow and I canapos;t wait to see them both. Ben has been in his element as near where they are staying in Spain is a shop that only sells Lego. It has been great having the chat feature on facebook too as Linzi can text me and then she sits in the hotels cybercafe and we have a little chat every evening. The first couple of days on my own were bliss but the house really seems empty and quiet now even with the 2 dogs and 2 birds all trying to out shout each other.
Back to some semblance of normality then and the joys of trying to upgrade my mums computer. Her machine only takes up to 1gig of pc2700 which we have had to order from my usual shop and Im going to attempt to install my old graphics card for her too. Should prove to be fun :S
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