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I dont know if i mentioned in the last post that brayden spent 150 at the strip club last weekend.... Well if so i just want to restate how rediculous he is. What is he thinking saying he will do anything to get back together with me and then does shit like this? i just dont see what his motivation is and he still hasnt sent me my fucking medical card i really need to go to the dentist but im kinda scared :( its weird, when i think about brayden, which happens about 75 of my day i feel sick. Its like a physical feeling for sadness. It just hurts really bad. I dotn want to get back together with him but it still hurts so freaking bad. Plus i figure that since it has to end eventually with reece (wether it be 20 days or 20 years from now, who knows) whats the point of even giving yourself away since its all just going to get fucked in the end anyway? thats a depressing thought. And when i think about brayden its just like i catch myself getting pissed in my thoughts, like how could he kinda shit, or i think about what i would be saying to his mom or someone else in his family. I just notice myself thinking about it a lot. And when i start doing that i just remind myself not to feed into it and kinda change my thoughts to something else. Its so exhausting. I think ill probably end up having a heart attack or something...

its weird how rediculous things can be. Seriously its so fucking rediculous.

whatever.

so anyway, i cant wait to get the car from orion. Its going to be so tight it will be soooo much nicer to have my own car i wont have to worry about getting rides everywhere it totally sucks i dont have a ride two nights this week to shaunas. I hope i dont have to work at journeys. They just hired two new ppl. I dont know whats up with that. Appearantly there is this new chick. I hope shes not some dumb cunt that ray hired bc shes a slut. It very well could be though. And there is some new dude, i think i talked to him once thinking he was a customer when he first came in to talk to ray. I cant really remember what he looked like though.

my computer is supposed to come today. I dont have anywhere to put it in my room, nor do i have internet in there.

my neck hurts.

i really wish i had some xanax :D

brayden is such an asshole. I just dont understand how or why he could do this.


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